i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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