We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
