Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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