Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
