have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
