I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
