How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i barfeds in our rink
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
