Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
