oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
