she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
