my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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