and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
