I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
