So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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