Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
