Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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