I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
