Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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