smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
