On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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