Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
