The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
