I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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