found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
