I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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