would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
