Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
