I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I licked your asshole in confidence.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
