Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
