I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
