Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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