Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
