why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
