Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
