Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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