well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
a search helicopter?!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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