They should really pass out barf bags in church
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
