I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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