Christians are straight up FREAKS
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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