If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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