Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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