can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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