I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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