Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
