I'm lost and stupid without you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
