My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
