Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
