Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
