If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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