I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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